More Complications Really?

"Katie, I'm really happy for you. You have amazing friends that are so nice." Mom.

How come I feel so incomplete? Lately, I have been wanting to give up. I have been thinking about starting over, moving someplace new. I mean I've done it 4 times since I've moved to Orlando. The reason I moved to Orlando was to get away from Brevard. But, is running ok? I moved to Orlando to escape the drama and talk. I moved to Orlando with my fiance (ex now obviously) so we wouldn't be judged anymore.

1. "You're both too young."
   
2. "You need to think about things before you commit."
   
3. "You're too good for him and he's bringing you down."

All these things were said to me, yet I didn't listen till it was too late. The whole entire time I was cheating on my fiance. No one knew. No I will never admit to anyone who that person was because it was a complete secret. No one even knows who that person is. I don't feel good about it, but I had a fucked up relationship/life and I am a completely different person now.

I can't talk about that without getting upset. I used to be able to handle it, but now my ex is back and I just sense that he's here. That friendship that I made with the other person is still someone I talk to almost everyday... until recently. After the months of my life changing experiences. After having multiple different relationships that never meant anything. I broke my heart from what mattered and took that broken heart and used it for all the useless relationships that followed. Most I have hurt, and I can't do that any longer. I can't make the right kind of friendships this way. I wish I could go back, but I have realized it's too late.

I should be the bigger person and let people move on when I know that person I have turned into will only hurt them in the end.

Rebecca said something yesterday that made sense, "sometimes i find it hard to give advice, because giving advice requires optimism and i lack that most of the time."

Someone called me selfish today. Really? After I have done nothing for myself recently. You don't see me drunk downtown? You don't see me spending money on alcohol at the bar, but instead on gas and food so i can feed everyone in my neighborhood/friends who decide to drop by. Or on stuff that will make my stomach feel better so that I can handle the pains.

People frustrate me. How do you deal with the drunk ones everyday? Lets quit our jobs and live in a tree.

I can't believe I successfully finished this blog feeling this way.